last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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