i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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