well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
