You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
