My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize