What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me