i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked