May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?