We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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