Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize