I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
