You really coming over, don't trick.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize