her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
