I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
