He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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