He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
