apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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