Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
