I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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