I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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