Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
this hospital has no fireball
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
