i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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