I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
