Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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