how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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