I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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