I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
