The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
