I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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