Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
