I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
