There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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