you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
