Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize