he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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