she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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