I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
