I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
