Me too!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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