Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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