So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
