shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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