I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize