Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Watching her eat just hurts me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
