I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
