Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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