fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night