I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero