i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.