he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You were trust falling into bushes