I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.