Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.