Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?