I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
