My friends, they love my intelligence
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
