you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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