hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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