highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
