Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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