What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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