If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
