also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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