Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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