I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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