I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
