He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
