My friends, they love my intelligence
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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