some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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