its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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