You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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